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How to Flirt at Speed Dating Singles Events

Updated: Jun 20, 2022

Knowing how to flirt and actually show someone you're interested in them romantically or sexually can be a minefield - especially when you only have 5 minutes to impress at Speed Dating. Sure, some people are natural born flirters and just get the dating thing right. But the more socially awkward among us can struggle. Apart from saying, "I fancy you, let's go out" (which, tbh is a MOVE), how do you flirt subtly and show someone you're into them? Once you know they probably do, our dating experts, body language experts and psychologists share their best flirting advice and tips. Once you are ready and confident for a night of fun and flirting, check out the speed dating events in your area

Look at them

At the start of the evening the ladies and gents are in separate parts of the room. Experts used to suggest we look - and then look away - three times to get someone's attention and this is particularly useful when eyeing up your potential dates!. According to the Social Issues Research Centre, maintaining too much eye contact is the most common mistake people make when flirting.

So what should you do? When we meet someone new our eyes make a zig-zag motion - we look from eye to eye and then the nose. With friends, we look below eye level to include the nose and mouth. The subtle flirt widens that triangle to include parts of the body.

A word of caution – glance at their mouth now and then but not for long. Stare too intensely and you might make someone feel uncomfortable.

Be suggestive

Whether it's a mildly suggestive phrase or an "accidental" touch, a little teasing can go a long way. In fact, when it comes to flirting, less is more." Overt turn-on attempts sometimes just spook people— they may sense heavy pressure to perform or feel out of control of the situation," says psychology professor Robert Francoeur, PhD. "Subtle things — ones that are just enough to get their imagination going — are often what arouse people the most."

Flirt just enough to make them wonder whether you're interested or not. The uncertainty will get them thinking – and leave them wanting to find out more.

Test the space before you touch

A brazen flirt will touch a someone's arm or knee when they talk. A subtle flirt tests a someone's personal space first.

"If this person is drawn to you, they will respond"

"The bubble of air 18 inches around someone's body is their intimate space: a no-go zone when you first meet someone," says flirtation consultant Judy Dutton and author of How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover.

"To see if someone's up for you breaking through this barrier, find an excuse to step briefly into this zone, say, by allowing someone behind you to pass, or to grab an appetizer off a wandering tray - then step back out again. If this person is drawn to you, they will respond by stepping in closer after you've backed off," she says.

Use your smile

You begin by using eye contact to register interest in someone, and then you steer their eyes towards your mouth to ensure they get the signal of approval via the smile. You can do this by allowing your smile to spread down your face from your eyes to your mouth, which should draw their eyes with it.

Body language expert Judi James says, "Your smile allows you to show off lovely, healthy-looking teeth which sends a subliminal sexual signal of healthy breeding, plus the subtle baring of the teeth forms a mild fear response in animal terms which in human terms signals approachability and rapport.

"Your mouth-smile should be symmetric rather than lop-sided to show simple emotions of happiness and pleasure. If your smile turns into a laugh you get to tilt your chin up slightly too, baring the length of your neck which is a powerful flirt signal."

Make ever-so-slight contact

You might think they want you to reach out and grab them – but the sexiest touches are often those electric ones we're not expecting.

As clinical psychologist Dennis Sugrue, PhD, explains, "Unnecessary touches are a turn-on because they can signal a willingness to venture beyond the safe boundaries we usually maintain between ourselves and others."

You don't need to accidentally barge into them. Small, barely-there touches that only the two of you notice are best. Let your foot ever-so slightly touch theirs or lightly brush past them as you squeeze through a gap.

A touch that seems out of the ordinary creates the biggest physical reaction as subliminally it says, "I can't resist touching you right here and now".

Ask them a question

Most people love imparting wisdom or giving advice, so don't be afraid to ask them a question. The more obvious flirt uses the technique to draw attention to themselves.

For example, you say you're thinking of getting a haircut and ask them whether they think long or short hair will suit you best. The subtle flirt asks a question that, while seeming causal, is more directly related to their potential attraction to you.

Avoid controversial subjects

You want this night to be light and fun, right? First date conversations do not include controversial subjects. So, avoid anything related to politics, current affairs, religion, and extremely divisive subjects of the time – you know, like should pineapple be on pizza? Just kidding.

Yes, you should be able to talk about anything and disagree respectfully but some subjects are best left until you know each other a little better. You don’t know this person well enough to understand how they are going to react to a specific subject. It’s best to wait it out a little.

In a first date conversation, always remember your manners

Treat your date with respect and remember to be courteous and kind during the date. It’s completely acceptable to goof up or slip up once in a while, just as long as you shrug the accident off with a laugh instead of appearing nervous or awkward. In fact, a silly slip up can actually make the evening more fun and memorable.

Flirting in Conversation

1. Use their name in conversation – it creates powerful electricity.

2. Pay them a compliment – ‘That’s a cool tie’ or ‘That’s a great outfit’. It never fails.

3. Do proactive listening – reflect back something they’ve just said, but using different words ‘So you really love scuba diving…’ or ‘you reckon that it’s time you changed your job…’. They’ll be so impressed.

4. Ask lots of open ended question about what they think/feel/believe, etc. But don’t interrogate.

5. If stuck for conversation, ask them to tell you more about something they said earlier

6. Try to listen rather than do all the talking!

Essential Flirty Body Language

For men and women

An effective smile is used sparingly, on its own, as a statement or to reinforce other messages. Let it suffuse your face after a moment’s reflection in response to something your date has said or done. Smiling all the time can sometimes give the impression that you aren’t being genuine. Not a great date idea!

For women only

1. Sensuously caress your hair; play with your necklace or earring.

2. A sideways glance is very sexy and will disable a man’s defenses before he realises it. This piece of body language is particularly effective if emanating from behind a curtain of tousled tresses nonchalantly flung back.

3. Now and then hold eye contact for that millisecond longer – but don’t stare.

For men only

1. Relax, sit tall and ensure you are fully facing your date and giving her uninterrupted attention.

2. Check out if your date is giving out defensive or pulling away signals – maybe you’re being too forward in which case slow down.

3. Lightly caress your wine glass (or whatever other small object is to hand) and you’ll give out powerful sexual signals.

Compliment them

Compliment someone too much and they're more likely to squirm in their seat than ask you out. While the obvious flirt compliments someone on their outfit or fragrance, the subtle flirt bides their time and waits until the moment is right.

"Giving them a coy compliment lets them know that you're interested in them sexually without suggesting that you might want something or be playing them," says Deb Levine, a sex educator and relationship counsellor.

Have a few things to talk about in your mind

During the first conversation, avoid asking about their past relationships or their future life plans. The two of you aren’t dating yet, so asking questions that are too personal too early into the date can make you appear nosy or intrusive.

Ask the right questions though, and your date will open up to you and may even fall for you before the end of the 5 minute date!

Use positive words

Be positive when you meet your date and use positive words during the date. Look around the bar or restaurant and tell your date what you like about the place, or tell your date how glad you are to spend time with them.

When you see the positive side in everything around you, your optimism will make you seem more attractive

Make sure you speak clearly

A woman’s voice is naturally higher pitched than a man’s, but irrespective of gender, don’t be loud or brash. Speak softly and clearly in a relaxed manner without mumbling. The softer you speak, the calmer and more relaxed your date will feel. And a pleasantly soft voice will make you appear romantic and caring too.

Get them to take you out

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) uses hypnotic language to influence others, whether to buy a second-hand car or ask us out on a date.

One of the most common techniques is to use 'embedded commands'. Essentially, the idea is to give someone a direct command without them noticing by embedding or 'softening' it within a sentence. That way, their subconscious mind picks up on the command, even though their conscious mind isn't aware of it.

Commands should be clear and easy to understand, such as "take me out for a coffee." When you deliver the command drop your voice down at the end to ensure it comes across as a command and not a question. So, you might say "I asked my boss to take me out for coffee but she's too busy.'

Two Bonus flirt tips:

1. Successful flirts always make the flirtee feel wonderful – make that your aim and you’ll feel wonderful too.

2. To really flirt with your date, just recall a time when you felt enticingly flirty at some time in the past. Try and evoke what it felt like, even what you saw and heard. Give the memory a colour and enjoy imagining it coursing through your veins. That way you’ll be able to feel exactly the same way right now.

Got all that? Remember flirting is easy...... if dogs can do it, you can do it!!!

For full details on speed dating events in Birmingham, Solihull and Tamworth, check out

Happy dating!

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